Post Wedding Blues:
Dealing with Anxiety and Depression After The Wedding
It is the day you’ve been planning for months, if not years, and anxiously anticipating for…well…your whole life! The rings have been exchanged, the cake has been cut, and the getaway car has driven off into the sunset . It was the greatest day imaginable, surrounded by everyone you love, celebrating you and your favorite person on earth. So then why do you feel so depressed and anxious all of a sudden? You’ve got yourself a case of the post wedding blues (insert harmonica tune here).
What are the post Wedding blues?
It’s not uncommon for newlyweds to face some emotional hurdles during this new season of life. For some, it may be the most drastic change they’ve ever experienced, and it’s happening all at once. Facing these new challenges while acknowledging that all the fanfare and celebration has ended can be a very disheartening to some. You may feel like you’ve just hit a steep drop after a long, windy roller coaster ride of engagement excitement, event planning, and wedding day bliss. Maybe you’re feeling anxious and antsy now that you don’t have a lineup of festivities to keep you occupied. Or maybe you’re just feeling saddened by the fact that this monumental life event is behind you, instead of in front of you. In any case, acknowledging and accepting how you feel is the first step towards healing your post-wedding blues.
first, stop judging yourself
Regardless of where you are in your journey, it’s important that you start by releasing yourself of any judgement or shame. I know we all want to pretend we are the ‘chill, care-free bride who is way too emotionally stable and happy to have any type of stress or emotional attachment to her wedding. Well, I’ll be the first to admit that I cared a whole hell of a lot and it’s okay if you did too. Let go of any preconceived notions of how you should be feeling or reacting. Let go of any internal judgements, guilt, or shame that you may have towards yourself. Just because you’re not perfectly happy and content with life immediately after your wedding doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Accept whatever it is that you’re feeling and acknowledge that it’s valid.
It’s completely understandable if you feel a bit deflated after the wedding buzz dies down. You likely just spent several months, if not years, setting plans and tirelessly discussing the topic so it makes sense for you to feel the absence of that afterwards. The anticipation surrounding this event has been building for quite some time, maybe even since you were a child. You’re allowed to feel a sense of loss when you’re no longer riding the emotional highs of this exciting milestone. If it was a particularly joyful time in your life then it’s okay to grieve the ending of it.
Change the narrative in your head
You may benefit from re-framing what it means to have the wedding behind you. There is comfort to be found in the fact that you no longer have to dwell on all the possible outcomes of your big day. When I drove away from my wedding I had this very clear thought of “That was perfect and I’m glad it’s over.” Not because I was ‘over’ the excitement necessarily, but because It immediately felt more satisfying to cherish a beloved memory than to wonder and fantasize about a future event. (Aka it feels so much better reminiscing about your wedding day than it does worrying about your wedding day).
If you want to reminisce with me, feel free to check out this post with photos from My Woodsy New England Fall Wedding. (Click Here To Read More)
For some people, it’s less about saying goodbye to their wedding and more so about missing some of the other unique benefits of this season of life. Maybe you just really enjoyed the positive affirmations and attention you received as a bride- that’s completely fine to admit! It’s nice to feel recognized and loved by the people in your life. After experiencing this realization in the wake of own my wedding, I decided that this was a sign for me to start making the people around me feel loved, honored, and celebrated whenever possible. Not only will it feel good to validate the important people in your life, but you may just find yourself receiving the same treatment in return.
No Longer a bride: Romanticize Your New Title
If you’re worried that you’ll miss being a bride, I would challenge you to think about what characterized your experience as a bride? For example, I would say that in my experience being a bride, I felt really special walking into a bridal shower that was planned just for me, attended by all the important women in my life. I felt loved seeing all of the people that went out of their way to be present on my wedding day. While those very specific experiences are related to being a bride, the feelings that derived from them are not exclusive to brides. Sure, you may never have another bridal shower- but if you think about what you really took away from that experience (love, admiration, acceptance), you realize it’s not really the bridal aspect that’s important- it’s how it made you feel. Being a bride is NOT the only way to receive that positive validation either. If you really enjoyed having a big party thrown in your honor, there are ways to ensure you have plenty of surprise birthday/anniversary bashes in your future that will foster all those same great feelings.
No Longer a bride: Romanticize Your New Title
One reason some people feel a sense of loss after their big day is because they put all of their focus, anticipation, and desires into the wedding plans- not the marriage. You may not even be aware that you’re doing this! I challenge you to start daydreaming about your marriage the same way you fantasized about finding the perfect venue. Your wedding is one incredible day, while your marriage is a lifetime of special moments to look forward to. Romanticize daily life with your partner so that when you drive off at the end of your wedding you know the best moments are still ahead.
Invest In The Success of Your Marriage
Use the time you used to spend planning your wedding and instead invest it in your marriage. Carve out time to discuss your hopes, dreams, fears, and expectations with your partner. Find strength in reaffirming the values and goals you both hold. To get the conversation started, check out this post I created “10 Things To Talk About Before Getting Married.” (Click Here To Read More) Newlywed couples may find that some of the questions are just a good refresher exercise or way to reconnect with one another. Use these prompts as a way to “force” yourself to think/talk in a way you may not have before. Feel free to add your own topics or questions into the mix!
find an outlet for your post wedding blues
Lastly, you may be finding it difficult to move forward because you’re holding onto a lot of thoughts and personal reflections regarding the whole wedding process. Use your experience to help others by sharing your unique perspective. Offer to help a friend or family member prepare for their special day or start a blog offering wedding advice you wish someone has shared with you. Your mind and body may just be searching for a new creative outlet to focus your energy on.
Remember to be gracious and kind towards yourself because better days are not built upon negativity. Give yourself the time and space you need to filter through these feelings of depression and anxiety, but don’t be afraid to seek outside guidance like a trusted ally or counselor. You may also find a lot of comfort and understanding from the person who’s been standing next to you through this entire experience- it’s possible your partner is feeling the exact same way.