We are creatures of habit…some good and come bad. You’d probably e suprised to learn how many of your habits are actually slowly eating away at your relationship. Unknowingly, we tend to commit these common mistakes and then wonder where everything fell apart. It’s time to take an honest look at your love life and figure out if you’re making these common mistakes that kill relationships…especially long distance!
Romantic relationships can knock the wind out of you, and change your whole outlook on life, all in the same day. They’re uniquely vulnerable, powerful, and soul fulfilling. They’re also strenuous, perplexing, and emotionally taxing. Navigating through the complexities of love and commitment can be difficult. The stakes are high, and you’re emotionally invested so your judgement and biases are slightly skewed. As a result, you might make some poor decisions in an effort to mend something in your relationship. Hence the phrase ‘love makes you stupid.’
You might find yourself manipulating situations and employing mind games, all the while not knowing that you are slowly poisoning your relationship. It’s important to be mindful of your actions, so that you can avoid making this very common mistake that kills so many relationships…especially long distance.
“You might find yourself manipulating situation and employing mind games, all the while not knowing that you’re slowly poisoning your relationship.”
Long distance relationships present certain limitations that you slowly learn to accept. Last minute plans and surprise adventures, for example, are most likely out of the realm of possibility. Your video chats and phone calls require some level of planning and visits are very structured, with a predetermined ending. When you remove that element of spontaneity you might start to feel like the relationship is becoming “dull” or losing excitement. This is totally natural and it doesn’t mean your relationship is “doomed” by any means.
Although, It can be difficult to keep the spark alive with so much structure and limitations. Naturally, you might try to find a way to reignite that passion in your relationship. Don’t make the common mistake of resorting to mind games. When you react impulsively, and make emotionally charged decisions, you can end up with self destructive behavior that ultimately harms the relationship. (If you need a gentle reminder about what makes your long distance relationship so special, check out this blog post, 4 Benefits to Long Distance Relationships)
For many people, they associate excitement in relationships with reestablishing “the chase.” They crave the thrill that comes with vying for someone’s attention, and never really knowing if you’ve captured that person’s interest.
For many people, when their relationship is going through a period of lackluster, they look for excitement in reestablishing “the chase.” There’s an urge to disrupt the routine and create a sense of unease in their partner. They think, “I need to remind them that I could leave at any moment.” This is the start of a VERY toxic and destructive line of thinking.
When you create a chase within your relationship, you are essentially taunting the other person, and making the distance between you two feel even greater. You are putting an incredible strain your partner- and your overall relationship as a result. If you are constantly giving your partner reason to be jealous, then you are also insinuating that you are regularly putting yourself into potentially inappropriate situations. Sparking jealousy as a way to remind yourself that your partner still wants you is extremely unhealthy destructive. This common mistake can chip away at the trust in your relationship.
Check out this fantastic quote from a Psychology Today article titled “Jealousy Is a Killer: How to Break Free from Your Jealousy.”
“You don’t have to rely on jealousy and jealous behavior to make your relationship more secure. You can use more effective behavior. This includes becoming more rewarding to each other- Praise each other, plan positive experiences with each other, and try to refrain from criticism, sarcasm, labeling, and contempt.”
No one should ever need to chase after their partner in a relationship. You two should be standing beside each other, on equal ground, with a mutual understanding of the feelings you share for one another. Feelings of instability and uncertainty have no place in a committed relationship.
"Feelings of instability and uncertainty have no place in a committed relationship."
If you feel like your long distance relationship has hit a slow point, there are better ways to freshen things up. Share a deep, personal confession with one another. It’ll teach you something new about the other person, and bring you closer together. Make plans for the future…both realistic and farfetched. Establishing the next time you’ll see each other will give you something exciting to look forward to. Alternatively, allow yourselves to create some more far reaching plans, like a tropical vacation or a backpacking trip that you want to do together…eventually.
Find ways that you can still surprise each other, within your limitations. (Read my blog post 4 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship) Need some extra examples? Have a pizza delivered to their house when you know they’re studying hard. Mail them a package without telling them. Get creative. You might be surprised at how ideas will come to you naturally, once you start putting in the effort.
You are too smart to let foolish games and bad habits ruin your relationship. You don’t have to fall into the traps- You are stronger than that. I believe the purpose of life is to provide love as often as possible, in all of it’s many forms. I also believe that everyone is deserving of genuine, pure, unconditional love.
I think we should always strive to love that way.