I know myself well enough to know what makes me tick. I know the personalities that I don’t blend well with, and I know which type of battles I should not pick. So I’ve learned how to avoid things like traffic, and confrontation- but I know that eventually it’ll catch up to me again. Anger is unavoidable because fender benders, cancelled plans and line cutters will always exist. Our only choice is to learn how to best deal with it, but as it turns out I’m terrible at “getting over it” and even worse at “forgive and forget.” Because of this, I’ve done a lot of reflecting and tried to understand the best way to deal with my anger.
This is what I tell myself when I need to just "get over it."
Vent about it. Call your mom, your best friend, your old college roommate that you haven’t spoken to in 3 years- just talk to someone. Tell the whole story, and make it the long version. Explain exactly how you’re feeling and why. If you start to get sick of the sound of your own voice, you’re doing it right. Get it all out of your system and put your feelings into words. Take inventory of everything that is weighing on your heart. But in all seriousness, when you get to the point where you’re sick of talking about it- take the hint. You’ll reach a place where it no longer feels good to talk about it, and the topic just feels stale. That’s when you know it’s time to drop the subject and get back to your day.
Once you’re done venting and releasing those explosive feelings, its important that you actively try to avoid the topic for a bit. You’re only human though, so obviously your mind will wander and you’ll find yourself thinking about it again. What’s important is that you take back control and refocus your mind towards something else.
It’s easy to become obsessive and point all of your energy towards a negative event, or topic. Naturally, we want to analyze things until we understand them- like an argument with a friend. Don’t let yourself play back the entire conversation in your head- over and over again. You can’t move forward and heal if you are still looking for new reasons to be angry.
With time you will start emotionally separating yourself from the issue. Maybe you’ll reach this point within a few minutes, a few hours, or a few days. It all depends on the severity of the situation, and your willingness to move on. Allow yourself to detach from the baggage and follow your body’s lead when it tells you that it’s ready to move on.
You need to OWN your anger before you can fully recover from it. Admit that you are furious, and acknowledge the fact that your feelings are valid (because everyone's feelings are valid- simply because they feel them).
There is no shame in having strong emotional reactions sometimes. Do not define yourself by this instance of personal distress. Having the emotional complexity to reach these extremes is a good thing. Embrace the fact that you are affected by your surroundings and the people that occupy it. The alternative is feeling nothing at all, about anything- which strips our experiences of their value.
Moving past instances of extreme anger can be difficult and honestly requires a lot of practice. You will slowly improve this skillset with time, because each experience teaches us something about ourselves.
Don’t waste precious time being unhappy when you could be enjoying yourself. Don’t spoil great opportunities by holding onto toxic, vengeful feelings.
Your anger might be strong- but it is never stronger than you
Here is my favorite Spotify playlist for relaxing and regaining focus.
You can also listen to it by clicking here